12:30 AM
It's been a while since I've last posted on this blog. Mostly because I have been trying to not think about having MRKH, not because I am ashamed of it or because I don't want anyone to know, but because it's harder than you think...
20 & Living with MRKH.
First off, I hate the cold, it's when my backaches are at their prime. Having MRKH is having back pains 24/7 but it's not until it gets cold when we really start to feel it on our lower backs. I live in a city where it gets around 30 degrees Fahrenheit during winter so there goes my back. What I find most comforting when the pain strikes are naps. lol Naps make everything go away.. until you wake up that is.
For those of you reading this post and are a first timer, WELCOME! :)
MRKH affects 1 in 5,000 women and you are oh so lucky to know me, Grecia, and guess what.. I am that 1 in 5,000.
Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome
is what MRKH stands for, but nobody has time to pronounce that so lets stick with MRKH :)
So, 20 & Living with this syndrome has its cons and pros.
Pro #1: I don't have to worry about getting pregnant because I was born without a uterus.
Con #1: My body can never bear a child because I was born without a uterus.
As you can see, it's a curse and a blessing within itself. Sure, I won't ever wake up from a wild night freaking out if I used protection because there is no way I can pregnant, but I sometimes sit here and wonder what it would feel like to actually have to freak out about being pregnant.
No, I do not want kids now, I am still in college, waiting to get my degree and figure out my next step in life.
But I sit here and think, 10 years from now, I will probably be ready to settle down, I will probably be ready to start my own family, but wait... I can't... my body is incapable of bearing a child. How will I ever find someone who will be okay with marrying someone who is unable to give them a child? Hmm... thoughts and thoughts run through my mind but then I tell myself that I am only 20 and have the rest of my life to figure that part out.
Being a 20-year-old college student you get all sorts of indirect comments from your extended family such as:
"You better take care of yourself!"
"Are you being safe?"
"Have you had your first scare?"
"Are you on the pill?"
"Do you need condoms?"
"You better not ruin your college years in one night." etc...etc...
Sometime I wish I could tell all of my family that I will never be able to get pregnant so they can stop with their comments but then they will look at me as if I was from outer space.
Especially coming from a traditional hispanic family background with catholic views, getting married by church and having children are like a MUST in my family. And just my luck I am the first born grandchild so my grandmother is always talking about how she hopes to live to see my first baby and I sit there... with guilt... should I tell her? Should I wait?
Oh god, give me a sign....
To end this part of my blog, I told my grandmother. Let's just say the conversation wasn't too pretty. Now she has me praying like crazy as if a magical uterus and cervix will somehow appear in my body over night. Lol good one Grandma.
I am just living day by day... <3
Hi! My name is Lily Cash. I am from Indiana. I was wondering if you could tell me a bit more about your story and how you came to find out you have MRKH. I am nearly 18 years old and have not had my period. I've gone through puberty as normal, all in absence of a period. I'm worried. I do one day hope to have children,but I am worried. Please tell me more of your story.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete